She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
