how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
