i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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