just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
