I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
