Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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