My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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