dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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