well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
