And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
