i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
