oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
