We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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