her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
