Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You can't motorboat a personality
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he was CRYING into my vagina
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
