the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
