We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
