He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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