PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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