is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
