$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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