so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
