break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
