Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
