Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
