So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
