going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Your cock deserves a montage
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
