Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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