If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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