i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
