Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
