It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
