I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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