smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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