Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
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ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
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She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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