i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
