I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
