I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
