take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
