That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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