If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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