He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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