Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize