Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
