Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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