Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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