like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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