White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
