Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
