you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
