yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
