How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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