I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize