I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
