new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
