Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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