You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
