I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
