even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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