we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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