He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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