You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
