The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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