your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
