Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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