they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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