Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
